The symptoms of mental illness do not manifest themselves
all at once. For example, before I was diagnosed as bipolar, there were warning
signs. I remember perching myself on a window ledge nineteen floors above Greenwich
Village. I had no intent to commit suicide. I wanted to scare my boyfriend in
order to win the argument we were having. At the time, my boyfriend didn’t know
what to do so he got my parents involved. They took me to their physician on
Long Island. I told everyone I was having problems adjusting to law school. My
parents went home after securing a promise I would complete my three years. The
doctor recommended a mental health practice group in Greenwich Village. I made
an initial appointment. I saw a man who sized up the situation completely and
was not afraid to say so. I spent almost two decades running away from his
words. That’s exactly what a borderline personality diagnosis looks like and he
knew it right away.
When I compare who I was pre-diagnosis to who I am now, I
see two different people. I have no idea why that particular boyfriend was
willing to continue our relationship. Yet, he stuck by me throughout my
recovery and is now my husband of thirty years. I’ve taught our children, now
16 and 18, not to tolerate that type of behavior from a partner. That is
something for which a couple needs professional help.
Now I want to tell others that identifying and correcting bad
behaviors is key to recovery. They can have a better ending … because I found
one.
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